“Our marriage is falling apart”.
“We’re on our last legs”.
“This is our last resort”.
I hear those lines often from couples that come in to see me. They feel hopeless, frustrated, and exhausted.
“How did we let things get this bad?” they wonder.
Many times, clients would tell me they wish their spouse or partner would join them for couples therapy. A common partner’s response is: “I don’t think things are bad enough for us to go to therapy yet”. That makes me sad to hear because I wonder how much worse will they allow things to get before they finally accept help.
I understand that seeking help can be intimidating, even scary. It can feel vulnerable and risky to examine the health of your relationship. However, delaying help can potentially lead to damage that’s harder to recover from as time passes. Plus, I’ve learned that couples are a lot more resilient than they ever imagined.
If someone asks you, “when should I start going to the gym?”, how would you respond? Imagine if someone says they’ll wait until they develop diabetes or heart disease before they start exercising, instead of preventing it. That won’t make much sense.
Going to couples therapy, like going to the gym, is a proactive health choice. It can act as a protective factor against issues from escalating. It’s not intended to be a task that’s saved for worst-case scenarios, although there is definitely a time and place for it during crisis situations.
Couples therapy can help two committed people:
– assess their shared goals and make a plan to reach them
– decrease conflict and communication problems
– improve quality of relationship and life
– learn skills and habits that can make a lasting impact
– improve intimacy and sexual satisfaction
– plan for the future (e.g. children, career, housing, retirement)
– strengthen bond/ attachment
Once the issues are resolved, the couple can spend more time actually enjoying their relationship.
If your relationship is in trouble, or you simply feel there is room for improvement, please contact me for a free 20-minute consultation (over the phone or in person) to see if I’m a good fit for you. I’ll gladly answer all your questions.
